yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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