I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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