She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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