1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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