everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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