just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
