Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
