bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
