You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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