It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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