that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
