his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
