why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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