Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
