he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
