So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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