Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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