who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
