Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
