I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
