I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
