Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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