she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk is not a location!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
