And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
