This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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