By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
