I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
