This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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