Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
