She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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