she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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