hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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