You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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