you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
