So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
