I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
