Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
