i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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