She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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