Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
