You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So drunk its hurt
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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