if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
