woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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