I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
