yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
