Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
