his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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