I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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