Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
