I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
BRING THE BAGELS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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